Some idiot at an Iranian radio station is claiming I was captured a long time ago.

Oh, puh-leeze!!!! That's absolutely ridiculous!!! Look at this logically, people: If I've been captured, then who's been writing this blog!?!?!

Still, wouldn't it be interesting if, two days before the November elections, Bush wheels me out on a hand truck like some sort of Hannibal Lechter, and says hey, "Lookee what I found!! Now will you vote for me?" Who knows? Maybe I'll even be wearing a straight jacket and leather mask like Anthony Hopkins was!

Just in case, I should practice making that scary slurping sound with my tongue.