As much as I hate infidels, I must admit that some of them do have certain redeeming qualities. For example, the Americans have VERY short memories. For example, they are thinking of going back to using private company screeners at their airports.
Well, okay, that's perfectly fine by me. Al Qaeda has plenty of suicidal martyrs just dying for work. I must admit, however, to wondering what is going through their minds. Have they forgotten what happened just 20 months ago? Or are they feeling guilty for neglecting me during their silly little fling with Saddam? If that's the case, I really don't need their charitable handouts. We are quite capable of being fearsome without potential targets pretending to be asleep.

Syria's President Assad says he doesn't think Al-Qaeda exists.
Where did he that? The New York Times?

Some people have wondered why Al Qaeda would attack Saudi Arabia. Well, why not? Everyone else already hates us, so what's one more country? Besides, they were late with their protection money last month, and busting kneecaps is much too boring.
Did you like the audio tape Ayman al-Zawahri released the other day? Very inspirational stuff, I thought. He's a pretty nasty guy, a regular sociopath with absolutely no conscience whatsoever. Fits right into Al Qaeda.
In fact, Ayman is so devoid of morals that I made him my right hand man. So if the Americans really wanted to find me, maybe they should start looking for him.
I'll be the guy on his left. With the beard.

Did you like the way I made the moon disappear last night? Pretty impressive, huh?

It's nice to be working again.

A number of Christian leaders in the United States of Satan have called on their fellow ministers to be tolerant when speaking of Islam, and to stop making inflammatory comments about Muslims. Well, thanks be to Allah that there are finally some voices of reason in the wilderness!!. Such a move is long overdue, and is only fair.
It is important for all the great religions of the world to get along, develop an understanding of one another's beliefs, and to exercise respect for our differences and, yes, our similarities. For in the end, do we not all recognize one supreme being, regardless of what we may call Him (I hate to disappoint all you "Dogma" fans, but he's definitely a HIM. And no, he looks NOTHING like Alannis Morissette).
After all, you never hear me making disparaging remarks about the godless infidels who deserve to be slaughtered wholesale so that they may burn in hell for all eternity while I'm busy hosing virgins.

So how's the weather been over in the United States of Satan? Are you having fun?
You call them tornadoes. I call them Allah's revenge.

During the past week a lot has been made of this new "Road Map to Peace" in the middle east. HA!! The only such road map that will work is a limited access superhighway leading from Tel Aviv to the sea. Besides, there have been some 37 peace plans over the last 30, 35 years, and none of them has amounted to a hill of beans in this crazy, mixed up world. So I'm not going to lose any sleep over this latest one. As long as Israel continues to exist, I'll have a job. Best job security on the planet, in fact. Just don't bother trying to buy life insurance.
Besides, this latest plan is only a week old, and already they're bitchin' and moanin' about it.


----------------------------------------------Mike Thompson, Detroit Free Press

Well, they arrested a few more of my operatives the other day. The worst part is I had just finished paying for their helicopter flying lessons.

Hmmm..... Some pilots in the United States of Satan have begun arming themselves.
I don't think I like that idea.


------------------------------------------------------------------------by Oliphant