That Kaddafi, or Gaddafi, or Qaddafi, or whatever the hell he's calling himself these days, is really pissing me. He has all these wonderful weapons of mass destruction, and now he's just going to destroy them.

What a waste. I would gladly have taken them off his hands.

----------Wolverton, Cagle Cartoons

Kaddafi, or Gaddafi, or Qaddafi, or whatever the hell he's calling himself's problem is the same as Saddam's was: He fails to open his heart to Allah, and dedicate his life to furthering the teachings of the Koran.... Per my interpretation of the Koran, I mean.

Instead, Kaddafi, or Gaddafi, or Qaddafi, or whatever the hell he's calling himself seeks to save his own hide, and further his own power at the expense of eternal glory.... Not to mention those virgins.

----------Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Some people are wondering what's going on with all these reports about Air France. Without admitting anything one way or another, let's just say that Al Qaeda had built up a lot of frequent flier miles with the airline, and we just felt that the infidel holidays would be a good time to burn them up.... er, I mean use them up. The miles, I mean.

And no, Las Vegas was not a target. It's a popular vacation destination for our future suicide bombers. Why, even Mohammad Atta, the leader of our 9-11 attacks, spent time there.

Some of you may think that it's rather hypocritical of us to go enjoy ourselves in a place that so exemplifies everything we hate about the west. Well, yeah, those of you who don't know us better would think that. But the fact is, Vegas is a great way to show our recruits everything that is wrong with the corrupt infidel lifestyle.... Plus maybe catch a show or two, win big at the baccarat table, get roaring drunk, and hire hot strippers to come to your hotel room and put on a private show.

So no, there's obviously nothing hypocritical about that.

Bad news from up north. Our plan to hijack Santa's Sleigh has unraveled. Apparently, security personel at the fat infidel's workshop became suspicious and arrested several middle eastern looking elves.

I'm thinking of contacting the ACLU and suing someone. It's not right that middle easterners are constantly being singled out for special attention. Isn't that discrimination?

Don't be absurd. What would I want with a Christmas tree? Most importantly, where would I put it?

----------Tony Auth, Philadelphia Inquirer

Don't say it.

Wonderful news!! With that pesky Saddam out of the way, people are starting to notice me again! For example, the United States has just raised its terror alert level to Code Orange.

It gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside to know that I'm once again being appreciated.

Then again, I suppose that warm and fuzzy feeling could be due to that unskinned rat I had for dinner earlier....

In yet another indication that drug abuse is rampant in the United States, a new poll says that 66% of Americans believe I'll eventually be caught. One can only assume that the recent capture of Saddam has led to this delusional state of existence.

----------Jeff StahlerCincinnati Post

May I take a moment to point out some facts that may serve to deflate this balloon of artificial euphoria? First, Saddam was only on the run for eight months. I, on the other hand, have been successfully eluding the infidel forces for over two years. That means I've had almost three times as much practice!

Secondly, I have Allah on my side. He's always been there. Saddam, on the other hand, was an opportunistic weasel who only invoked Allah's name when he was desperately trying to rally support, or else trying to get laid. Allah does not particularly care for part time devotees. On the other hand, I'm not only FULL time, but I put in lots and lots of overtime as well.

A Tung-Yin writes: Hey Ossie: Now that the spotlight is off Saddam -- well, he's probably under some sort of spotlight, but one of American interrogators -- will your blog no longer be in his shadow?

And what do you think of the Dixie Chicks?

A good question. And as much as it sickens and disgusts me to deal with worthless unholy infidels such as yourself, whose vile bodies aren't even worthy of serving as kitty litter for Allah's cats, yes, I do expect my blog to regain its former and well deserved glory. As you may well be aware, it was I who first invited that pathetic excuse for a holy warrior Saddam to join me on my site. Then, when the Great Satan launched its own jihad against the Muslims of Iraq, he decided he was too good to keep associating with me and started his own spinoff blog.

It's kind of like what that maid did on The Jeffersons. What was her name? Flo, I believe. She got her own series, and suddenly she wouldn't assciate with George and Weezie. And how many of you have the foggiest idea what I'm talking about here? And if you're too young to remember The Jeffersons, why aren't you in bed already? Do your parents know you're still up?

As for the Dixie Chicks, well, don't tell Allah I said this, but they make me pitch a tent in my robes. However, I never could convince Saddam to introduce me to them. That Natalie Maines is especially hot. She is so sexy when she denounces Bush. Of course, I find anyone who makes disparaging remarks about the American President to be desirable.

That's why Michael Moore also turns me on.

My many followers have been wondering what I think about Saddam's capture.

Well, quite frankly, I think he's a cowardly wuss. I can't believe he allowed himself to be taken alive like that. Then again, Maybe it shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, not all of us have it takes to be a martyr.

Granted, I haven't actually become a martyr myself, but that's only because I'm, er, "unselfish." Yeah, that's it. I'm unselfish. That's why I'm always so eager to let someone ELSE go out there and get themselves killed while I remain safe.

My many followers have been wondering what I think about Saddam's capture.

Well, quite frankly, I think he's a cowardly wuss. I can't believe he allowed himself to be taken alive like that. Then again, Maybe it shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, not all of us have it takes to be a martyr.

Granted, I haven't actually become a martyr myself, but that's only because I'm, er, "unselfish." Yeah, that's it. I'm unselfish. That's why I'm always so eager to let someone ELSE go out there and get themselves killed while I remain safe.

Today is a very special day. It's the 100th anniversary of the Wright Brothers' first flight.

I wonder if THEY had any problems getting through security?

----------Henry Payne, Detroit News

Well, I guess Saddam won't be joining me now. He got his sorry ass captured last night.

But me? I'm still here, and I'M KING OF WORLD!!!!! Well, at least king of this dank cave.

----------Gary Varvel, Indianapolis Star

Two infidels went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree. They were very particular, and were looking for just the right one.
After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry jackals, one infidel turned to the other one and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

Courtesy of Metsudath.

----------Tony Auth, Philadelphia Inquirer

Apparently the people of Afghanistan are having a hard time working out the details of their new constitution. Personally, I don't see what the problem is. All you really need is:

Article I Obey the Koran.
Article II Kill infidels.
Article III Lots of them.

There. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?