I and my fellow holy warriors grudgingly offer our congratulations to Michael Jordan, who last night passed Wilt Chamberlain to become the third highest scoring player in the history of the NBA. Not too shabby.... For a godless infidel. Of course, one should keep in mind that Chambelain played for maybe 15 years whereas Jordan has been playing since 1920 or so, with occasional time off for baseball and golf careers. Pretty soon he'll be eligible to join the Rolling Stones.
Sometimes I wonder if my life would have turned out differently had I pursued an NBA career. At 6'5", the idea is not that farfetched for me. I could have reaped millions for my pet causes of preventing birth defects while spreading death and destruction across the globe. And I'm sure I could have landed a lucrative endorsement deal for exploding sneakers.
Plus, I figure it would have made it much easier for me to score with actual human chicks rather than livestock.