Saddam just did an interview on British TV in which he denies having any ties to al Qaeda. This, of course, is not entirely true. Sadie and I first met at one of those "Hate America/Blow Up Israel" seminars that the Ayotollah Khomeini used to sponsor. This one was held at the Beirut Hilton back in 1980 or so. We've been friends ever since. We even wrote the bestselling book The One Minute Terrorist together. That one was big in management circles. And he's been to 17 of my weddings... In the last month alone!
Nevertheless, the fact remains that Sadie is an opportunistic weasel interested only in power. He has never truly embraced Islam the way I have. He blows up things and slaughters people only when it serves to further his career as a leading, world reknown despot. I, on the other hand, blow up things and slaughter people in the name of Allah. That makes it okay.
So then why, you ask, do I pretend to be his friend? Two reasons: First, as I've said before, the United States of Satan wants us BOTH dead. And any enemy of my enemy is a friend of mine.
Secondly, he has things I want. Do you have any idea how much spreading of God's word I could do with a nuclear warhead or a truckload of nerve gas!?! Just thinking about it makes my knees quiver.
I keep hoping I can sneak a weapon of mass destruction out of one of his palaces when I'm visiting, but so far I haven't had any luck. All I was able to steal the last time I was over there was some silverware and a really nice tea kettle.
But I, too, can be a weasel when it counts, so I'll just keep trying.