I was up half the night studying my copy of Jihad for Dummies and found nothing about extra virgins. I strongly suspect Osama lied to me in order to buy my silence. But what recourse do I have, for I am but a mere cook? Besides, I'm not sure what the big deal is about the 72 virgins. Yes, it certainly SOUNDS intriguing, but what happens when you're done with them? Are you stuck having to satisfy yourself with your own hand and a copy of the Frederick's of Mecca catalogue? 72 virgins won't last forever, and eternity is a long time....

I do not like being lied to. And may Allah forgive me for saying so, for I know envy is sinful, but I am jealous of Osama. Livestock has not been easy to come by lately.
I shall have my revenge, even if it means forfeiting my place in paradise. I shall urinate in the Great One's orange juice this morning...