We got up early to watch that unholy ritual of excess that so enthralls the American devils every January. It was very frustrating seeing such a target-rich stadium ripe for the picking while we're stuck here in... Well, never mind where we are. That jackal Rumsfeld may be reading this....
Anyway, my fellow Mujahedeen and I argued extensively about why they call it "football" if the ball is rarely touched by feet. But just as we were set to begin disemboweling one another, a commercial for an evil ale known as Miller Lite interrupted our revelry. This ad is a perfect example of the decadance which grips so much of the non-Islamic world.
It began with two fine looking women, who would have looked even better wearing burqas while tending to a flock of sheep, arguing about whether this tempting brewed liquid of theirs was "less filling" or "tastes great." Both female infidels evidently felt quite strongly about their respective positions as they were soon pushing and shoving one another. Suddenly they began tearing each other's clothes off, exposing temptation filled mounds of gorgeous forbidden flesh for all the world to see. Finally, the two dueling damsels ended up wrestling in a pool of mud. At this point the entire camp erupted in whooping and hollaring and celebration as we all shot our guns into the air. This proved to be a mistake, as the bullets soon fell back on us, martyring several of my men.
Afterwards, we all fell to our knees facing east, bowed our heads in prayer, and asked Allah to forgive our sinful display of lustful weakness.