I am getting reports from our sleeper cells in the United States of Satan that many of the infidels are on the verge of panic. They are stocking up on bottled water, plastic sheets, and something called duck tape in anticipation of a chemical or bioterror attack. What is "duck tape," anyway? I hear that no REAL man is ever without it, but I don't know what it is. Is it used to repair broken waterfowl?
As much as I would like to oblige the godless heathens, I have not been able to get any of the necessary material from Saddam for such an attack . He claims he can't risk moving weapons of mass destruction across the border because of the constant UN scrutiny, but I think it's because he's a selfish S.O.B.
Yassar Arafat once told me that even when they were growing up, Saddam refused to share his grenades with the other kids at the daycare center. And invoking the name of Allah doesn't seem to help a whole lot with him, either. He just rolls his eyes and says, "Yeah, sure, Allah. Whatever." Yet when it's balls to the wall for him like it is now, all of a sudden he's every Muslim's best friend.
What a weasel.