This would seem to imply that I'm some how a bad person....
Saturday, June 28, 2003
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
This is awful news. In fact, it is so bad that I find it almost impossible to believe.... Apparently Hamas is prepared to negotiate a truce with the Israelies! It will be tough for me to continue to justify inflicting mass death and destruction in the name of Palestinian oppression if the inconsiderate bastards make peace with the jews!
No matter. I'll come up with another reason.
No matter. I'll come up with another reason.
Saturday, June 21, 2003
No wonder I haven't heard from Iyman Faris lately.... He's been sitting in a jail cell for the last six weeks! No one ever tells me anything.
This is a terrible setback for us, and a horrible waste. We paid for Iyman to learn how to drive a truck but not park it, and then he goes and gets himself locked up.
Needless to say, his mission is a failure too. He was supposed to chop down the Brooklyn Bridge, then pick up a copy of that new Harry Potter book for me. Fairly simple tasks, right? But instead he goes and screws it up by getting arrested!! Anyone that stupid should have just been made a suicide bomber.
This is a terrible setback for us, and a horrible waste. We paid for Iyman to learn how to drive a truck but not park it, and then he goes and gets himself locked up.
Needless to say, his mission is a failure too. He was supposed to chop down the Brooklyn Bridge, then pick up a copy of that new Harry Potter book for me. Fairly simple tasks, right? But instead he goes and screws it up by getting arrested!! Anyone that stupid should have just been made a suicide bomber.
Saturday, June 14, 2003
Sunday, June 08, 2003
Americans are such wimps. Even their so-called "terrorists" are spoiled rotten!! I have been reading this Eric Rudolph fellow, and he is truly pathetic compared to us. He says that for the five years he hid in the mountains he survived by eating lizards, salamanders, and acorns. HA!! REAL terrorists like those of us in Al Qaeda don't have such creature comforts!
When we live off the land, we REALLY live off the land. We eat rocks and sticks. If we're lucky enough to have water, we'll fix ourselves a heapin' pile of mud. And during the winter winter months, fried snow. That's always a treat. For meat, we hunt jackals, which is never easy. Typically, we have to feed them kidnapped journalists till they fall asleep. Then we sneak up on them and hit them in the head with a small boulder. See, that's the tricky part. If you don't kill them with that first blow, they wake up really pissed and rip you to shreds. Could Rudolph have done that? Huh? I doubt it.
What is an "acorn," anyway? Are they vicious?
And we don't have the luxury of picking through dumpsters for discarded three day old food that has already been regurgitated multiple times by various rodents.
There is one thing that bothers me (Besides the constant threat of being blown to bits by Hellfire missiles, I mean)..... When WE blow up stuff and kill innocent people in the name of Allah, we get branded as Islamic terrorists. So how come when Rudolph does the same thing, no one calls him a Christian terrorist? Smells like discrimination to me.
I'm tempted to call the ACLU.
When we live off the land, we REALLY live off the land. We eat rocks and sticks. If we're lucky enough to have water, we'll fix ourselves a heapin' pile of mud. And during the winter winter months, fried snow. That's always a treat. For meat, we hunt jackals, which is never easy. Typically, we have to feed them kidnapped journalists till they fall asleep. Then we sneak up on them and hit them in the head with a small boulder. See, that's the tricky part. If you don't kill them with that first blow, they wake up really pissed and rip you to shreds. Could Rudolph have done that? Huh? I doubt it.
What is an "acorn," anyway? Are they vicious?
And we don't have the luxury of picking through dumpsters for discarded three day old food that has already been regurgitated multiple times by various rodents.
There is one thing that bothers me (Besides the constant threat of being blown to bits by Hellfire missiles, I mean)..... When WE blow up stuff and kill innocent people in the name of Allah, we get branded as Islamic terrorists. So how come when Rudolph does the same thing, no one calls him a Christian terrorist? Smells like discrimination to me.
I'm tempted to call the ACLU.
Sunday, June 01, 2003
People have asked me, "So, Osama, what do you think about that woman, Annika Sorenstam, who tried to play in that men's golf tournament?"
I'm fine with it, provided she wears a burqa.
Besides, golf hardly qualifies as a sport. Knocking a little non-explosive ball around, trying to get it to fall into a hole? Gimme a break!!
Where's the adventure? The risk? The constant threat of death?
Golf would be much more exciting if it were played in the middle of a minefield. Can you imagine Tiger Woods getting blown thirty feet into the air while trying to sink a putt? Now that would certainly level the playing field a bit!
I think that instead of using golfballs to play golf, they should use grenades. And instead of having little holes in the ground as targets, there should be infidels tied to stakes.
I'm fine with it, provided she wears a burqa.
Besides, golf hardly qualifies as a sport. Knocking a little non-explosive ball around, trying to get it to fall into a hole? Gimme a break!!
Where's the adventure? The risk? The constant threat of death?
Golf would be much more exciting if it were played in the middle of a minefield. Can you imagine Tiger Woods getting blown thirty feet into the air while trying to sink a putt? Now that would certainly level the playing field a bit!
I think that instead of using golfballs to play golf, they should use grenades. And instead of having little holes in the ground as targets, there should be infidels tied to stakes.
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