My plan to run for governor of California and set up an Islamic state in North America has met with some unexpected obstacles.
Chief among these is that the deadline was some 28 hours ago. And even if I had managed to weasel out a brief extension by holding an airliner full of little old ladies hostage, it probably wouldn't have helped. I checked on both Orbitz.com and Travelocity, and at best it would have taken me 12 days by freighter to get to America.
Yes, freighter. Couldn't find any cruise ships that go from Kandahar to Los Angeles. And the fact that Afghanistan is a landlocked country only added further obstacles to the cruise option. But that's really my only alternative for intercontinental travel since I refuse to fly.
Too many damn wackos on planes nowadays.
Anyway, I think I would enjoyed being governor. When I think of how I could have used my new found legitamacy to spread Allah's word, I break out in goosebumps. For example, you know those big letters that spell out HOLLYWOOD on that mountainside? I would have replaced with something a little more dignified and in keeping with my interpretation of the Koran.... Such as DEATH TO INFIDELS.
Of course, I would have immediately abolished the film industry. Too many false idols in that business. And all the former Hollywood actresses would have been forced to wear burqas, so there would have been no further need for plastic surgeons. And the state is already short on electricty, so I would have felt right at home in that regard.
However, I would have left Berkely alone. They're already anti-American enough.