HAPPY NEW YEAR, YOU CRAZY INFIDELS!!!!!

Man, I am so wasted right now! I was hanging from the top of the cave in my underwear at one point, while Khalid was dancing around with a lampshade on his head. Then Mohammad had the bright idea for us to make a threatening videotape and send it in to Al-Jazeera. Nothing unusual about that, except we were all naked and making farting noises in the background. Someone remind me in the morning to go blow up the mailbox before they pick up that envelope.

I partied like it was 1999!

What can I say? I'm a little behind the times.

But you already knew that, didn't you?