Saddam would have had a field day with this article in the infidel magazine Atlantic Monthly (summary of article). It's an extensive exploration of what went wrong in Iraq, and the bottom line is that many people predicted the problems that the United States of Satan has had since the fall of Baghdad, and that extensive planning went into the postwar occupation of the country.

So what went wrong then? Well, no, it wasn't a failure of intelligence, but rather a failure of leadership. Basically, anything that didn't fit Bush's preconceived ideas about the war and its aftermath was flat-out ignored.

What concerns me now is that if Kerry wins in November, I may not be any better off next year than I am now. You know how those damn war heroes are. That's why I will continue to proudly display a Howard Dean bumpersticker on my camel's ass.

There seems to be some dissatisfaction among some of my followers about my infrequent blogging habits. One cowardly infidel reader, who would no doubt soil his shorts if he were to actually meet me, complains that "why is the osaminator so freakin' lazy? Saddam was hiding in holes, doling out cash to insurgents and still made time to add a log every day. I'm really very disappointed." Another reader adds "I do have to say that Saddam encouraged more interaction from us. He even seemed to like having us around, you know, to feel superior to."

Well, first let me just say that I always enjoy hearing from my readership, even if my ultimate goal is to kill every last one of you. Granted, that would ultimately have a negative impact on my numbers, but I've never been one to waste time contemplating the longterm consequences of my actions.

However, Allah did not place me on this Earth to provide people like you with entertainment. He placed me here to wreak havoc upon the civilized world.

And do not insult me with comparisons to Saddam. It is precisely because he spent so time hiding in holes that he was able to waste his energies blogging on a daily basis. And don't think I haven't heard about those all-night keg parties he'd throw on Friday nights!! And look where his lack of focus got him: Caught by the unholy Crusaders. I, on the other hand, keep my priorities straight and only blog when I am confident of my own safety. After all, many people are depending on me.

If you want to give meaning to your miserable little lives by devoting yourselves to someone else, try Howard Dean. From what I understand, he's currently hard up for followers.

Now go change your shorts.

How dare a woman question the word of Allah?

There's some Muslim chick in Canada (figures) who is asking why Islam is so oppressive of women. Hey, it's not my fault, okay? I didn't write the Koran.

I just interpret the damn thing however I want.

Now get off my back, okay? And if you're a woman, cover your hair.

The infidel Army War College has issued a report saying that the Iraq war was a mistake because it diverted attention and resources from what should have been the primary goal of the Bush Administration: Eliminating me as a threat.

Guess I should do the polite thing and send Mr. Bush a "Thank You" card.

There are few things I enjoy more than friendly banter with my infidel readers.... Well, with the possible exception of disemboweling my infidel readers! But unfortunately you're there and I'm here (wherever that may be), so I'll have to settle for banter.... At least for now.

Reader and cowering unholy vermin Tung-Yin writes: Hey, Ossie, some people think that you've been badly disfigured by U.S. attacks, which is why there are no new videotapes of you calling for jihad -- only audiotapes. Is that true? If it is, why don't you show your disfigured face? After all, we Americans are pretty squeamish. Your blistered, scarred face could give a whole generation of kids nightmares and heebie-jeebies. Hey, you could be the new Boogieman!

First let me allay your fears by assuring you that my face is perfectly fine, except for the occasional zit when I eat chocolate. The problem with video messages is that you have to record them on--duh!--video cameras!! The battery on the one we had been using has died, a situation I'm none too happy about.

They claim that those new fangled rechargeable lithium ion rechargeable batteries don't develop a "memory" the way the old nickel cadmium ones used to. And yes, I suppose that's true. But what they DON'T tell you is that the damn things only last about two years before they become worthless paper weights.

It's the exact same problem I'm having with my Apple Ipod.

Needless to say, there aren't too many Best Buy stores along the Afghan/Pakistani frontier, so it's not like I can just run right out and buy a new camcorder battery. But the double A's I can steal--er, I mean "buy"--from any convenience store. And they work great in my Sony Walkman/recorder.

Whch brings me to my next point: All the convenience stores around here are run by foreigners. I think they're Americans or something, but I'm not sure. They all look alike to me.

Anyway, I can never understand what the hell they're saying.

I'm disappointed to see that the United States has lowered it's terror threat level back down to yellow. Why? Don't they consider me a threat any more? Do you have any idea how insulting that is?

I'm still here, you know. And I'm still scary.

BOO!!!!!

There. See? Go ahead, admit it: You peed your pants when I did that, didn't you?

Yeah, I still got the touch.

The United States of Satan continues to deny that its so-called "War on Terror" is about oil. Yeah, right. And a camel doesn't sh*t in the desert. Or maybe it does. I think maybe I gotta work on that analogy a little more....

At any rate, my point is that Bush and his band of infidels ARE after the middleeast's oil fields. And any idiot fool who doubts me on this point should read this article. It says that during the 1973 oil embargo, the Nixon Administration considered seizing the oil fields of Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, and a number of other countries.

Uh-huh. And no doubt right after that they would've started sending those damn Jehova's Witnesses over here trying to convert us. They wouldn't have gotten very far, though. Have you ever tried riding a bicycle through sand?

----------Dana Summers, Orlando Sun-Times

Oh, don't act all surprised. You should know by now that I hide wherever I can. Besides, it's not so bad. This dry, barren landscape reminds me of home.... Well, except for the reddish tint.

The postage to mail those threatening audiotapes back to Earth is a bitch, however.

I wish those stupid Americans would stop cancelling all those international flights. Last week it was those Air France flights, and now it's British Airways that keeps getting grounded. And a couple of days ago it was an Aero Mexico plane that was grounded.

All these cancellations are wreaking havoc with Al Qaeda's business travel. Rest assured that I will be writing a strongly worded letter of complaint to the appropriate people.

Think I'll leave the return address off the envelope, however.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, YOU CRAZY INFIDELS!!!!!

Man, I am so wasted right now! I was hanging from the top of the cave in my underwear at one point, while Khalid was dancing around with a lampshade on his head. Then Mohammad had the bright idea for us to make a threatening videotape and send it in to Al-Jazeera. Nothing unusual about that, except we were all naked and making farting noises in the background. Someone remind me in the morning to go blow up the mailbox before they pick up that envelope.

I partied like it was 1999!

What can I say? I'm a little behind the times.

But you already knew that, didn't you?